Seriously?©

I’ll bet that most of you don’t even remember that this page exists… WELL IT DOES </drama>.  I’ve made some new friends at Plurk and one of them asked me in her sweetest, kindest way, to write another blog specc’ed as follows:  “500 words, justified alignment, no double spacing.  Due Tuesday 5pm.”  She’s so sweet, </swoon> (61 words so far, 439 to go).

I’ve had this one in the back of my head for awhile now, and since I have been poked with a sharp stick, I might as well share it with all of you.  The profile is the single most important improvement you can do for yourself.  Back when I was a n00bie (no comments from the peanut gallery), it was explained to me that if you want to meet people, the first thing you have to do is to put together an interesting profile.  The profile comes with different tabs, and today’s blog will focus on the first tab, known as the “2nd Life”.

Where To Begin?

Well, that’s easie peasie… you start at the top left and work your way down.  The first things you’ll see are their name, their picture, and their birthdate.  These three things are the first indication of the Go/No Go Transaction.  Is the person named “Cumsalot Sideshow”?  Is their profile pic a picture of live animal birth?  Were they born today?  All of these can potentially be gamebreakers.  I’m not here to tell you to discriminate based on their born-on-date, but “Cumsalot Sideshow?”  This may cause me to walk away without another thought….

The Secret

This is not a widely known thing, but if your profile indicates that you have payment information on file (usually because you’ve purchased LD at some point) then you have just opened up the eyes of the more Savvy (see what I did there?) dancers at clubs in SL.  Once a dancer notices that you care enough to buy LD for your pleasure, they may be inclined to focus their attention more on you in the supposition that you are willing to pay out the big bucks since you obviously have no problem buying more… use this to your advantage friend… do what I do and buy $0.23 of LD today!!

The Love of Their Life

The partner box… for all intents and purposes, you can ignore this :P (I’m going to catch hell for this…)

One More Sheep in the Herd

When looking through the list of groups that a person belongs to… pay special attention to the odd-ball ones.  Does the person belong to “Annamarie’s Girlfriend Club”?  Yea, that’s prolly just a group of friends who thought it would be cute to have a funny title over their head.  Did you spot the 15 bondage clothing designer groups?  Danger Will Robinson!!  How you proceed with this information is up to you, but keep in mind that groups are usually a good indication of what the person likes and where they frequent.  If you notice the HnS VIP Tag, you can be sure that they are good people (does that make up for the partner box comment?)

The Meat and Potatoes

At the bottom of page one, you will find the “About” box.  This is where you get a feel for the creative side of a person, because it’s the most important thing they can control on this page.  This is where you’ll either grab their attention and make them want to read the rest of your tabs, or else repulse them to the point of going back to figuring out if that’s REALLY a picture of live animal birth or not.  If you want my advice, make it funny and/or witty to the best of your ability.  DON’T use half of your available space to fill the box with ASCII art… ugh.. talk about vapor-ware.  What you will typically see are famous quotes (“I’m out of beer.  Guess I’ll go to bed” – Throbber), special dates (“I collared her on 9/9/09, she’s mine now”), and advertisements for their shop that exclusively sells purple jelly dongs (Hey, a sale is a sale).  These are all typical.. the real diamond in the rough are the angry, e-thug threats ( “If ANYONE fucks with my woman, I will hunt them down, find them, and make them wish that they were NEVER BORN”)… Seriously?  How are you going to do that Sherlock Holmes?  Are you going to crack the NSA database, buy a plane ticket to Florida and then show up at my house?  OH!!  You meant in SL… If you plan to make me wish I was never born in SL, you’ll need to bring a set of poseballs and ask me nicely to stand on one of them while your avatar makes it look as if he’s punching MY avatar.  I’ll do it for 200 LD.  Will that tide your e-fury?  You better hurry though.. I think your mom wants you to take out the garbage before dinner.

In Conclusion and Continuation…

This ends my coverage of page one on your profile, and breaks my dry-spell of blogging.  Thanks go out to KawaiiNicole for pressuring me and just like always, I swear that this isn’t the last time you’ll hear from me (It IS only the first page of the profile, after all).  I’m thinking that I might go back to exploring various places in SL and writing up my reviews for them like this blog was originally planned for… if you’ve got a suggestion, bring it to my Plurk page or leave a comment below (or both!) so that I know you’re still reading this dribble.  Until we speak again… I love you, and I mean it.

(947 words… not bad)

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