Seriously?©

Hopefully you’re familiar by now with my commentary on Second Life DJs (http://secondlifeseriously.wordpress.com/2008/09/11/a-brief-comparison/).  I apologize once more for dropping off the radar, but when you’re working undercover like I am, you don’t always know when you’ll be able to come up for air and send your report in.  To keep you informed of what to expect when attending dance clubs, I proudly present to you:

A Brief Comparison of SL Dancers

The Brainy Dancer

The first thing you need to understand is that this isn’t Real Life, it’s Second Life.  In RL, the stereotype is that all dancers are stupid and only work in the club because they’ve got a spectacular rack on them.  In SL, EVERYONE has a spectacular rack and hiding behind many of those racks are some very smart people.  To me, that’s a turn-on, but it can put-off some of the VIPs out there who are only looking for women who meet THEIR expectations (In SL, every woman is expected to be 18, strung out on Spanish Fly, single, fiercely loyal yet not expecting the same from you, and lives close to you in RL).  Once you can figure out what your favorite dancer is saying, you might actually get to like her a little more.

Typical Chat

Hey thanks for the tip, Billy17.  Of course you know that one of the main Socratic Paradoxes is that Virtue is sufficient for happiness, but by the same token I believe that your tip of 16 Lindens will make a fine substitution in the interim.

The Needy Dancer

The economy in SL is currently in a downturn, just like in RL.  Times are tough, but not so tough that you’ll be leaving the Dust Bowl with thousands of your fellow “Okies” in search of land, jobs, and dignity in California (fear not… everyone has their own Rose of Sharon out there to help them in tough times).  The needy dancer has a 5k weekly tier to pay and lets you know that it is somehow your responsibility to help her through these tough times… so you better get on it.

Typical Chat

Oh my God… I don’t how I’m going to make my tier payment this week…I just bought these shoes and no one here loves me enough to put a few LD in my jar I guess *pouts*.  Jerry12, don’t you think I’m pretty anymore?  When is the next dancer auction?  Damn times are tough… I need to get partnered so someone will split my payments ….

The Scattered Dancer

This dancer is the one where you really need to sit back and squint your eyes when you read their emotes and chat… because it LOOKS normal from a distance, but when you drill right down to it, you’re really not sure what they might be talking about after all.  Changing tense, changing case, and sometimes even changing gender, these dancers try their hardest yet somehow still manage to confuse themselves by the middle of the sentence.

Typical Chat

/me drives her hips downward into the loving arms of Jeremy09, smiling on this face and beating the oiled chest with happiness.  I know that that he likes it because of the applause and winks from there to here and back again ya know -+

The Hostess Dancer

Seriously?©  What is a hostess supposed to do, anyways?  BESIDES filling my screen with shouts and requests to tip the DJ and herself, what does she really DO?  Typically the hostess is right down there on the floor with the rest of the VIPs… maybe she has a tag above her head, but one thing is for certain, she’s got a tip jar and she wants you to know about it.  Speaking as a DJ and sometime dancer, I know what these jobs do, and some people work very hard at them… but hostess?  The hostess is the one who turns on her dance loop, then sits back hitting her macro to spam your local chat with demands for money and expectations of appreciation to herself and the DJ whose coattails she is riding to success.  There’s no better way to explain it then to just show you her chat log files:

Typical Log File

  • [20:00] Event starts
  • [20:00] /dance loop on
  • [20:00] shout: DON’T FORGET TO TIP YOUR AWESOME DJ AND HOSTESS
  • [20:10] shout: DJ %dj_name% ROCKS !!! HOOOHOOOHOOOHOOOHOO
  • [20:20] shout: DON’T FORGET TO TIP YOUR AWESOME DJ AND HOSTESS
  • [20:30] shout: DON’T FORGET TO TIP YOUR AWESOME DJ AND HOSTESS
  • [20:40] shout: I LOVE DJ %dj_name% !!!  ROOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAARRRRR
  • [20:50] shout: YOU’RE AT THE BEST PLACE IN SL, %club_name%.  TP ALL YOUR FRIENDS !!!  *BABY GIGGLES*
  • [21:00] shout: DON’T FORGET TO TIP YOUR AWESOME DJ AND HOSTESS
  • [21:10] shout: DON’T FORGET TO TIP YOUR AWESOME DJ AND HOSTESS
  • [21:20] shout: SEND YOUR REQUESTS AND LINDEN TO THE #1 DJ IN SL %dj_name%
  • [21:30] shout: DON’T FORGET TO TIP YOUR AWESOME DJ AND HOSTESS
  • [21:40] shout: THIS IS MY TUNE !!!  ROOOOAAAAARRRR !!!!!
  • [21:50] shout: DON’T FORGET TO TIP YOUR AWESOME DJ AND HOSTESS
  • [21:59] shout: THANKS FOR COMING OUT TO %club_name%!!!  STICK AROUND FOR ANOTHER GREAT EVENT
  • [22:00] /dance loop off
  • [22:00] Event ends

Once again I hope that I have helped you become a more informed traveler in Second Life.  Today I realized that this installment won’t be the last… I’m going to cover typical clubs and then finish off my series with a comparison of YOU, the VIPs… stick around.  If you like it, let me know… it’s always nice to know you’re loved :)